It has been a year since I started my “new” job. A job that the hiring manager way back when told me would take a year to come up to speed on (yeah right…I only needed three months).
Hitting the ground running, trying to understand a different side of the business and all the acronyms that were the same but meant something completely opposite in this new world, three months in I was tired. Six months in I was exhausted and nine months in I was emotionally drained looking to get out. A friend put me in touch with a recruiter at her company that she had just joined. It was a great position and I succeeded through round after round of interviews, even a three hour phone call when I was away on holiday. I had it nailed. The recruiter contacted me for the final interview prep and confirmed potential start dates. Woohoo!!! I was crossing the finish line, I was there!
I was standing in Target’s grocery section when she called and mentioned something about hating it when you put so much effort into something that doesn’t go the way you planned…
Wait…back up…where did my finish line go?
But I would suck it up. I had options, I had friends – connected friends who were fabulously in the know and some of my strongest advocates. I would push on and push on I did. I went through interview process two. I met with the team, I met with the cross functional partners, I was taken out to lunch. Who needed the previous finish line? This was clearly what fate had in mind for me. A little patience and the right job would come around. As I was prepping for my offer a thought burrowed into my mind …wasn’t it ironic that I was finally starting to get my hands around the job and feel the floor with my feet to then be offered a new job? They told me they would call me on Friday. It was too late for second thoughts now.
The phone stayed by my side on Friday. It did not ring. It did not register an email (even though I willed it over and over). The weekend came and went. I got the call on Monday. I was working from home that day looking after a sick child and with each second that drew nearer to the timed call my gut twisted a little tighter. I knew it would not be a good call, but how could it not be? They loved me (inside intel had given me the scoop), they thought I was awesome, they thought I would be phenomenal with the teams. I was a shoe in!
Unfortunately, they thought someone else was just a little bit more awesome with a little bit more shoe.
It was in the moment of rejection that I made a pact to my current role…ENOUGH.
Enough of the chasing, enough of the interviews and emotional investment. Enough. Give your soul a rest and focus 100% now on what you do have.
A few weeks have passed since that Friday & Monday and as I write this I can honestly say I am happy. I am overworked, I am dedicated and I sleep soundly at night. I couldn’t quite put my finger on why until I bumped into a friend who is also my old boss at work. We got chatting about life (her father recently passed away unexpectedly) and we took a turn to discussing work. She passed a comment that without knowledge to her and knowing the details of my last twelve months, summed up my current situation…
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side; it will be greener wherever you water it.
Inadvertently that’s what I had done by committing to my role. In that time of utter frustration at work, when I got stuck looking at the wood instead of the trees I panicked and instead of using my energy to lean in, I used it to look somewhere else. In my feeling of no control I looked to places where I felt I had some control – the job sites, the friends with connections; any option that screamed “parachute here” as the plane was going down. But fate had kept me put to tend my garden, forcing me to water the grass and wait for summer to come.
Twelve months in, my grass is coming up and I am sitting on the deck enjoying a gin and tonic in the summer sun.